Balaji's Blog http://www.balajiconfused.blogspot.com/ interviews him:
Blog - Where are you? Not be seen these days at all? Do you know when you last updated the blog? Just close the damn thing and delete the blog if you don't plan to write any more and .....
Balaji (interrupts)- Hey Hey .... Relax ya!!! Uhmmm I have an answer to all your questions. In one sentence - I was busy!!
Blog - BUSY?? What kind of an answer is that? You were busy for the ...What, last 7 months, so busy that you couldn't update the blog once?
Balaji - Uhmmmm, errr..........Yes.....
Blog - Oh yeah, well I didn't miss you either!! hrmph!!
Balaji - Oh, Come on....... See I am having this conversation with you, I am making a start.... Well to be frank, I had lost the drive to write. Yeah, perhaps that was the reason more than laziness. I had gone into a shell, you know. Somehow 2007 seems to be a better year and a lucky one, May I add.
Blog - So, Can I expect the new Balaji to blog more freque..
Balaji (interrupts)- NO!!! Not yet. I still lack a clarity of thought. That was one of my strong points before. Atleast, I would take one side and could argue like hell on it. These days, I've started seeing both sides of the coin and that has really restricted some ideas from flowing ; though on the brighter side, I am glad that I now have the ability to understand what the person on the other side of the fence has to say/think. But like I said, I am confused as to which side is right and whose side I should take; whether I should take sides at all !!! I just couldn't seem to make up my mind at all. Still do...
Blog - Ok, now relax. Lets talk something else.... Tell me what have you been reading these days?
Balaji- Oh, ever since I came to London, I just try and catch up with online version of India today and Outlook. I also go through websites of Time and the Economist Magazine. I must say that I've been really impressed with the Economist magazine. A suggested read for everyone. And to be frank, its not even about economics, the article which they did on the human brain and its findings for example was just fantastic. You know that I was such a big fan of Thomas Friedman, after reading 'The World is Flat'. I found ' From Beirut to Jerusalem' by Friedman in one of the libraries in London and Friedman doesn't disappoint!!
Blog - Alright one last question. Did any one tell you at all that they missed your blog?
Balaji - Uhmmm errr.... Yeah lots of my fans....
Blog(interrupts) Cough Cough....Cough Cough...
Balaji - *ahem* Well N.K. was bugging me for a while about me not updating the blog. C.S.K Enquired once, I think. But that's about it. No one really missed us. Hee Hee
Blog - So, what can we expect from Mr Balaji Shenoy?
Balaji - For now, nothing. Somehow I seem to perform my best when nothing is expected out of me. But certainly in the near future, you will see more of me. We will bring our glorious days back again........ :)
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sunday, August 20, 2006
No Man's Land.......
Multiculturalism : That's the part about London that I loved the most on my first visit to London apart from the public transportation system, which really impressed me.....
The first time, I was in London and on my first day to office, I went in a bus driven by a black woman driver. Worked in a office full of Brit's, and had lunch at a Bangladesh restaurant. Before moving ahead, let me clear why I have marked the Black and WOMAN part in bold and colours. I am NO racist prick nor a sexist. I was mighty impressed with the fact that the gender and the colour of your skin hardly mattered round here!!!
Now, on my third visit to London, I live in a house owned by a Pakistani, have dinner at a Tamil restaurant run by Srilankan’s, lunch at a Bangladeshi one and get my groceries from a Gujju store nearby......unfortunately, there are no Nepali gurkha's in Stratford !!!!
But scratch the surface a little and you find that there are problems here too, like elsewhere…..... The London police still haven’t brought forward any evidence for the recent arrests made in the wake of the 'plane bombing conspiracy' and the Muslim community here is accusing the Blair government of a witch hunting.
So then, what happens to the multicultural face of London? Well just yesterday, a man with a beard and a rucksack boarded my bus. He got down a couple of stops before mine and I bent down my seat and looked on the floor to make sure that he didn't leave anything behind. There was nothing below the seat. But 'had I stooped low and am I less secular now', I questioned myself...... But I think I did just fine and would pass the secularism quiz any day..... I happen to have an instinct for self preservation and did my duty as a concerned citizen... But the terrorists had won a small mind game. They were successful in their endeavours to create a 'us vs them' mindset and a trust deficit.
And I am sure that's the situation back home too...... When you read about software Engineers and journalists from the minority community being named as suspects, It brings us one step closer to the 'us vs them' mentality. Its actually a vicious cycle, this lack of trust creates a sense of isolation. And perhaps this sense of isolations helps in the creation of another terrorist over a period of time.
It's complicated!!! Why does it have to be this way, I have wondered many a times.
I have an interesting incident to narrate in this context. During my second trip to London, I had to take a cab to office for three days and on the second day, I met the same cabbie, whom I had seen on the first day. Only this time, he strikes up a conversation, which went something like this.
Him: So what are you doing here?
Me: I am a software engineer. I am here for training.
Him: A lot of software Engineers around..... Are you from Bangalore?
Me: Yeah, actually a place close to Bangalore called Mysore.
Me: Where are you from?
Him: Pakistan...
Him: Kashmir actually....
Him : Well, no man's land actually... (wry smile)
The first time, I was in London and on my first day to office, I went in a bus driven by a black woman driver. Worked in a office full of Brit's, and had lunch at a Bangladesh restaurant. Before moving ahead, let me clear why I have marked the Black and WOMAN part in bold and colours. I am NO racist prick nor a sexist. I was mighty impressed with the fact that the gender and the colour of your skin hardly mattered round here!!!
Now, on my third visit to London, I live in a house owned by a Pakistani, have dinner at a Tamil restaurant run by Srilankan’s, lunch at a Bangladeshi one and get my groceries from a Gujju store nearby......unfortunately, there are no Nepali gurkha's in Stratford !!!!
But scratch the surface a little and you find that there are problems here too, like elsewhere…..... The London police still haven’t brought forward any evidence for the recent arrests made in the wake of the 'plane bombing conspiracy' and the Muslim community here is accusing the Blair government of a witch hunting.
So then, what happens to the multicultural face of London? Well just yesterday, a man with a beard and a rucksack boarded my bus. He got down a couple of stops before mine and I bent down my seat and looked on the floor to make sure that he didn't leave anything behind. There was nothing below the seat. But 'had I stooped low and am I less secular now', I questioned myself...... But I think I did just fine and would pass the secularism quiz any day..... I happen to have an instinct for self preservation and did my duty as a concerned citizen... But the terrorists had won a small mind game. They were successful in their endeavours to create a 'us vs them' mindset and a trust deficit.
And I am sure that's the situation back home too...... When you read about software Engineers and journalists from the minority community being named as suspects, It brings us one step closer to the 'us vs them' mentality. Its actually a vicious cycle, this lack of trust creates a sense of isolation. And perhaps this sense of isolations helps in the creation of another terrorist over a period of time.
It's complicated!!! Why does it have to be this way, I have wondered many a times.
I have an interesting incident to narrate in this context. During my second trip to London, I had to take a cab to office for three days and on the second day, I met the same cabbie, whom I had seen on the first day. Only this time, he strikes up a conversation, which went something like this.
Him: So what are you doing here?
Me: I am a software engineer. I am here for training.
Him: A lot of software Engineers around..... Are you from Bangalore?
Me: Yeah, actually a place close to Bangalore called Mysore.
Me: Where are you from?
Him: Pakistan...
Him: Kashmir actually....
Him : Well, no man's land actually... (wry smile)
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the lost memoirs.......
Found a very touching article in Sonia Falerio's blog:
Here are some excerpts from the blog:
Four years after the Uphaar tragedy a journey through the mindscape of some who continue to live with the loss and memory.
He doesn't look like a victim. He's not pale, emaciated or physically scarred. True, his eyes are dull and below them hang pouchy blue-black crescents. But you would expect Jagdeep Mann, the owner of a home with a drawing room filled with crystal, the employer of a servant silently transferring sandwiches and soup into china plates and the driver of a Daewoo Matiz, to look tired. Success does that to some men. Mann himself looks like he enjoys the good life. Strangers would be envious. What do they know?
On June 13, 1997, Mann's wife and children went to Uphaar Grand, a movie theatre in Delhi's Green Park area that promised the 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. screening of the film Border would be a memorable experience. It was. A transformer on the ground floor of the complex leaked oil; the oil burnt, sending noxious fumes, first tentatively, then increasingly thickening and speeding into the theatre. The movie continued. Were they watching a song sequence? Sandese aate hain perhaps, a popular tune people still hum when melancholic. Were they watching heartthrob Akshaye Khanna die on the battlefield? How long after did they realise that it was their turn to die?
It has been four years since that horrifying pantomime of smoke and crush and confusion asphyxiated 59 people and injured 104 others. Today, it's not just the broken windows of Uphaar that remain shattered. "One day I had the perfect life," says Mann. "The next day I had nothing." His parents, afraid that the utter loneliness would drive their son over the edge, moved in with him. In 1998, Mann brought out the checklist he'd made while first searching for a life partner. Illika is homely, he says. Just like Mallika was. And when they were in second grade the two had been neighbours sharing a grubby wooden bench. "It's ironic," says Mann, trying to smile. He can't. The fact strikes him as eerie. When memories of his "brilliant daughters" and the son who read Charles Dickens at the age of six become too harsh to bear, Mann pays a visit to Modern School, Humayun Road. There, four lush trees grow side by side, their branches swaying in the wind. The trees have names: Mallika, Medini, Tarini and Dhruv.
Like Mann, Durga Das, 35, is a stocky man. Rivulets of sweat are flowing down his face and his thick blue shirt is clinging uncomfortably to him. Each day since May 23, the day the recording of evidence in the Uphaar case commenced, Das has travelled an hour to reach the Delhi High Court. He then sits in the last row of court No 12 watching proceedings conducted in a language he doesn't understand. He does this to get justice for his 18-year-old son Ravi whose pride in buying a "ticket that was too expensive for people like us" resulted in a tragic, irreparable fall. The years since witnessed tangible changes in the life of the man who presses clothes for a living. The "evil eye" that caused Ravi's demise vanished, he says, after he rented a new flat with the Rs 1-lakh compensation given to him by the central government. On July 28, 1997, the Association of Victims of Uphaar Tragedy (AVUT) sued for punitive damages worth Rs 120 crore for the kin of those who perished. With the money, they pledge to start a Central Accident Trauma centre. With his share Das would like to buy a house. "Just because one person dies doesn't mean life has to end for everyone else," he says, shrugging his shoulders defensively.
Das says Vikas Kumar reminds him of his son. Skinny and bright. Before he lost his father, Kishen Lal, Kumar had wanted "to be someone". He is, of course, the studious boy who reluctantly metamorphosed into a brave man. The boss of a store whose shelves are stacked with dusty crockery and bandaged jugs and bowls of twine and brushes. Supplying wedding material is seasonal work that throws up about 16 assignments over eight months. The rest of the year Kumar is an odd-jobs man, trawling the colony in search of paying errands. At his seat by the door, staring blankly outside, he looks very young indeed. Like he should be in a college canteen drinking a Coke, not at work; not forced to gather dowry for his sister's wedding; or sending his younger siblings off to school each morning. From where Kumar sits, looking at the crumbling road that leads out of Shakarpur it's a long way off to where he wants to be and where four years ago, he could have been.
The agonising regret is palpable elsewhere too. In an apartment in south Delhi upon entering which crippling questions slowly seep off the walls. Does a mother remain a mother even after her children are dead? How long can one nurture pain? A year, two, four? How about a lifetime? There will be no more children in Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy's home and when the couple grow old, the thought of which "sends a chill" down Neelam's spine, they will be alone. With only a room full of posters and a Hulk Hogan doll and costume jewellery and lipsticks crumbling in their dusty, cracked tubes for memories. "We wanted to commit suicide," says Neelam, staring at the wall. "But we won't. Not until we receive justice. And we will receive it because we have our children, Unnati and Ujjwal's spirit and support to guide us." It's the most painful impetus to turn crusader overnight.
A few kilometres away in South Extension, Harish Dang and his second wife Anjali are curled up on a sofa reading a newspaper. The Dangs' drawing room complements the mood of the household in a manner they couldn't have anticipated. It's blue. Blue as the sky as the seas as the shirt on Harish's back. Anjali's voice is firmer than that of her husband, just like one would imagine her grasp would be. But she's never had to be as strong as he has. When Dang lost his wife and son he had no time to grieve. His daughter Resham, then 6, survived the fire but remained unconscious for seven days. Now she keeps to herself, rarely elucidating her thoughts. Dang's second wedding in a temple in 1999 was attended only by immediate family members. What was going through the bride's mind when she stepped across the threshold of a house where death had long overstayed its visit? Where the room she would sleep in each night was dominated by the photograph of her husband's first wife. "We had substantial talks before we married," says Anjali. "I knew what to expect." She looks at her husband, "He's a nice man," she says. Dang doesn't smile. "Now Anjali puts roses on Madhu's photo," he says.
Marriage is not an option for Kanwaljeet Bhalla. There's simply too much to do. The grief cycle-denial, depression, bargaining, anger and acceptance-to live through, and her children to live for. "When my husband was alive and I needed money, all I had to do was go to him and stretch out my hand," she says miserably, staring at the bulky, yellowing fan above. "Now I have to think thrice before buying anything." But Bhalla, acting as any mother would, says she's willing to grieve on behalf of her children as well. So Bindiya, Payal, Jasjit and Mala can dream big, become anything they wish and be anyone they want. And when they feel the pinch, all they have to do is go to their mother and stretch out their arms.
On June 13, AVUT's members will gather at Smriti Upavan at Uphaar. At this tribute of flowing water on concrete bearing the names of those who died, they will perform a havan and a shanti paath. "Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards," said Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard. Four years later, that's exactly what Uphaar's bereaved are trying to do."
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Being Reasonable...
Ok, I have seen the on goings and kept my mouth shut for too long on this. The reservations debate goes on and hats off to the students and doctors , who mind you without any political backing whatsoever and in spite of being continuously threatened by the government about their termination orders, kept the agitation going. And also to the media which continues to focus this news in its headlines.
After a meeting the student leaders last week, prime minister Manmohan Singh has said' he foresees a massive expansion in capacities of the higher education system which would see a huge growth in the educational opportunities available to all classes and categories of students. Therefore, they need not be worried about shrinking educational opportunities'.
In essence what he meant was for a corresponding 27% quotas brought for the OBC's, there will be a increase in the number of seats available on general merit. Which of course means that the student intake will be increased by 54%.
But wait a minute!!! 54% is a big big number. Ok let us for a minute, assume that this is a reasonable solution. But why O’ why is the government in a such a tearing hurry? I mean the HRD minister says the 54% hike will be implemented in one go the very next academic year, whereas the PMO says it is considering the report submitted by the GOM(group of ministers) which wanted to implement these reservations in three phases starting from next year onwards. Where exactly does the government stand on this? It should come out clear on this.
When the HRD minister says he wants to implement the 54% hike in one next year onwards, doesn’t it smack of political opportunism? I mean, a 54 % hike in student intake would also mean that there should be a corresponding increase in the infrastructure (classrooms, libraries) and more importantly faculty members. Many of the IIT's are already facing shortage of close to 20% of faculty members. So how does the government propose to handle these issues? Is the government aware that its actions may turn even the institues of higher learnings into substandard institutes if these issues are not handled in a sensitive manner? Everybody knows the state of government schools in India. The drop out rate of students and the absenteeism of teachers in these schools is already well documented. Do we want our institutes of higher learning to deteriorate too? And I think, that's why it is important to keep the issue burning and the agitation going.
Here is what I feel the next phase of agitations should concentrate upon:
1. Unless each and every institute is ready for the 54% increase in the student intake in all aspects like the infrastructure and faculty members, the status quo should be maintained. Even if the entire exercise takes more than 3-4 years, so be it. There should be no downfall in the standards and quality of education associated with these institutes. There is no time based boundaries for our law enforcers (i.e. the CBI / police) to solve a case nor are our courts exactly known for dispensing speedy justice, right? Surely two wrongs don’t make one right, I know that. But there, if the argument is that truth should prevail, no longer how much time is consumed, the same yard stick should be applied here too. Make sure that these institutes, each one of them is ready for the increase in the intake of students, until then, in order to ensure that there is no deterioration of standards, the status quo should be maintained.
2. The main issue of reservation itself: Exclude the creamy layer of the OBC's from these reservations, so that these reservations help only the people that it is intended to assist
Of course all these questions arise only when one considers the solution that the government came up with as reasonable, which I believe it is not. Which way will the wind blow now is something to be seen? How long will the agitating students and doctors hold on to their stand against the might of the government?
Doctors, though considered life savers by most of the aam janta, were in fact considered a disgraced lot till the recent past and were perceived to be hankering after money. The profession of a doctor was no longer considered a novel one. But I guess the stand that the doctors have taken, rather the stand which the majority of the doctors have taken will perhaps change the mindset of a lot of people.
One last word:
Ok...make it one last paragraph. Lots of patients, most of whom cannot afford the more expensive private practitioners/ hospitals and who look up to the government hospitals as their saviors were a harrassed lot, and I think here the doctors should take a more reasonable stand. I don’t think all the doctors should go on a strike to have their demands met. Mind you, during the first two days of protest, perhaps it was about the numbers too, I mean the more the number of people coming out on streets and protesting against this, the better. But now, this has turned into a country wide agitation, what with even the IIT, IIM , Engineering students and even people from general walk of life coming out and supporting the doctors. I feel at least 30% of the doctors in each hospital should be working and the rest 70% can continue to protest. And this 30% can perhaps be rotated on a day to day basis. I for one feel, it will create greater good will for the doctors among the general public.
After a meeting the student leaders last week, prime minister Manmohan Singh has said' he foresees a massive expansion in capacities of the higher education system which would see a huge growth in the educational opportunities available to all classes and categories of students. Therefore, they need not be worried about shrinking educational opportunities'.
In essence what he meant was for a corresponding 27% quotas brought for the OBC's, there will be a increase in the number of seats available on general merit. Which of course means that the student intake will be increased by 54%.
But wait a minute!!! 54% is a big big number. Ok let us for a minute, assume that this is a reasonable solution. But why O’ why is the government in a such a tearing hurry? I mean the HRD minister says the 54% hike will be implemented in one go the very next academic year, whereas the PMO says it is considering the report submitted by the GOM(group of ministers) which wanted to implement these reservations in three phases starting from next year onwards. Where exactly does the government stand on this? It should come out clear on this.
When the HRD minister says he wants to implement the 54% hike in one next year onwards, doesn’t it smack of political opportunism? I mean, a 54 % hike in student intake would also mean that there should be a corresponding increase in the infrastructure (classrooms, libraries) and more importantly faculty members. Many of the IIT's are already facing shortage of close to 20% of faculty members. So how does the government propose to handle these issues? Is the government aware that its actions may turn even the institues of higher learnings into substandard institutes if these issues are not handled in a sensitive manner? Everybody knows the state of government schools in India. The drop out rate of students and the absenteeism of teachers in these schools is already well documented. Do we want our institutes of higher learning to deteriorate too? And I think, that's why it is important to keep the issue burning and the agitation going.
Here is what I feel the next phase of agitations should concentrate upon:
1. Unless each and every institute is ready for the 54% increase in the student intake in all aspects like the infrastructure and faculty members, the status quo should be maintained. Even if the entire exercise takes more than 3-4 years, so be it. There should be no downfall in the standards and quality of education associated with these institutes. There is no time based boundaries for our law enforcers (i.e. the CBI / police) to solve a case nor are our courts exactly known for dispensing speedy justice, right? Surely two wrongs don’t make one right, I know that. But there, if the argument is that truth should prevail, no longer how much time is consumed, the same yard stick should be applied here too. Make sure that these institutes, each one of them is ready for the increase in the intake of students, until then, in order to ensure that there is no deterioration of standards, the status quo should be maintained.
2. The main issue of reservation itself: Exclude the creamy layer of the OBC's from these reservations, so that these reservations help only the people that it is intended to assist
Of course all these questions arise only when one considers the solution that the government came up with as reasonable, which I believe it is not. Which way will the wind blow now is something to be seen? How long will the agitating students and doctors hold on to their stand against the might of the government?
Doctors, though considered life savers by most of the aam janta, were in fact considered a disgraced lot till the recent past and were perceived to be hankering after money. The profession of a doctor was no longer considered a novel one. But I guess the stand that the doctors have taken, rather the stand which the majority of the doctors have taken will perhaps change the mindset of a lot of people.
One last word:
Ok...make it one last paragraph. Lots of patients, most of whom cannot afford the more expensive private practitioners/ hospitals and who look up to the government hospitals as their saviors were a harrassed lot, and I think here the doctors should take a more reasonable stand. I don’t think all the doctors should go on a strike to have their demands met. Mind you, during the first two days of protest, perhaps it was about the numbers too, I mean the more the number of people coming out on streets and protesting against this, the better. But now, this has turned into a country wide agitation, what with even the IIT, IIM , Engineering students and even people from general walk of life coming out and supporting the doctors. I feel at least 30% of the doctors in each hospital should be working and the rest 70% can continue to protest. And this 30% can perhaps be rotated on a day to day basis. I for one feel, it will create greater good will for the doctors among the general public.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Out of my hibernation
11 days....
I havent blogged since the past 11 days. Even as the reservation debate goes on......
For the past few days, I have been wanting to blog baaaaaaaaadly.... but havent done so, one of the reasons for not doing so is Chagan Bhujbal.
uhmmmmm, now why chagan Bhujbal,you may wonder? The other day, I saw him commenting on TV. A reporter asked him some uncomfortable questions on the police brutality against the students in Mumbai, his response was soemthing like this: ' logon ne goli khayi hai, jaan gavaya hai, aur yahaan pe chaar dande pade aur itna halla macha rahein hain'...... Hmmm Now I had decided that I am not going to use any swear words on my blog, and I wasnt exactly sure how I would do that when commenting on this. When I say this, I mean Chagan Bhujbal. Made me rethink about my decision on not using purple words...... No............. I finally decided, No usage of unparliamentary language on my blog.... though I am sot sure, How long I will be able to maintain that position...
Another important reason, why I havent been blogging, I am doing what I love doing in the evenings at office, reading blogs.......tons of them infact, and man I must say some people are endowed with all the literary talent in this world..... reading those blogs infact gave me such a complex....
However, I am going to resume blogging soon.......
the reservation debate will continue too.....
I've been reading a lot of books off late and so, lots to write, starting from tomorrow....
Watch this space...
I havent blogged since the past 11 days. Even as the reservation debate goes on......
For the past few days, I have been wanting to blog baaaaaaaaadly.... but havent done so, one of the reasons for not doing so is Chagan Bhujbal.
uhmmmmm, now why chagan Bhujbal,you may wonder? The other day, I saw him commenting on TV. A reporter asked him some uncomfortable questions on the police brutality against the students in Mumbai, his response was soemthing like this: ' logon ne goli khayi hai, jaan gavaya hai, aur yahaan pe chaar dande pade aur itna halla macha rahein hain'...... Hmmm Now I had decided that I am not going to use any swear words on my blog, and I wasnt exactly sure how I would do that when commenting on this. When I say this, I mean Chagan Bhujbal. Made me rethink about my decision on not using purple words...... No............. I finally decided, No usage of unparliamentary language on my blog.... though I am sot sure, How long I will be able to maintain that position...
Another important reason, why I havent been blogging, I am doing what I love doing in the evenings at office, reading blogs.......tons of them infact, and man I must say some people are endowed with all the literary talent in this world..... reading those blogs infact gave me such a complex....
However, I am going to resume blogging soon.......
the reservation debate will continue too.....
I've been reading a lot of books off late and so, lots to write, starting from tomorrow....
Watch this space...
Monday, May 01, 2006
Mommy,you are a STUD!!!
Timeline: March 1995
Venue: New-Delhi
It was exam time for me and sis. Mummy was suffering from insomnia then. She was under treatment for it from a neurologist. But on one of the nights, she was hyperactive; refusing to sleep herself nor allowing anybody else to sleep. We knew something was wrong, But what it was, nobody had a clue!!! She was absolutely fine until a few days back. She was taken to a hospital the next day where the doctors diagonsied her with bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder by one of the definitions that i found on the net is 'a major affective disorder in which an individual alternates between states of deep depression and extreme elation.'
It was the first time that I had heard of the word depression then. Of course I was too young to understand the word depression then. Nor did I have access to internet then. What I did know was that the next morning, Mommy refused to recognise me nor my sis. I do not remember if I cried. I guess I was just too young to realise what was going on. I remember being told by my aunt, who had come from mumbai that if someone enquires about mom, Just tell them its High B.P.
Depression and a visit to a psychiatrist were absloute subjects of taboo. Something to be spoken in a hush-hush tone.
Anyways, It took close to 9 months before mom got any resemblance of her old self physically (she had lost a lot of wieght in this period) as well as pyschologically. There was a lot of resistance from mom herself on the compulsory visits to the psychiatrist.
Mom was to be under the constant supervision of a psychiatrist and pills for the rest of her life, It was clear to us.
By now, I had done a lot of my own research on the inernet and came across something, which still gives me goosebumps: 'Bipolar disorder is a lifelong medical condition that can be confusing and unpredictable.'
All was fine for the most of the next 8 years. Until......
Timeline: January 2004
Venue: Bangalore
It was exam time for me again, My 7th semester exams. (Sis was married and in US, she had flown in december 2003 for her delivery in march). Mommy was suffering from insomnia again. It was the first day of the exam and I saw mom in the kitchen at 5:30 AM. I knew, It was BACK!!!
This time, I cried. I used to cry like a baby, never in front of mum though. My exam schedules were streched over the next 15-17 days, perhaps the darkest days of my life. Sis was kept out of it as much as possible due to her pregnancy. It was left to me and dad to salvage the situation. Everyday though before leaving to the college, i had only one wish on my lips. I prayed to GOD that mum dies as soon as possible. TODAY, if possible, I used to wish. Why did you make her my mommy, why not somebody else, I used to ask GOD. I had to feed mommy, me and dad had to take her to the loo and I had to put her to sleep, before I would get to my studies. Thinking about it gives me jitters even now.
Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide, reports an article in the National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH).
I knew this was the state of mind of my mother. Looking back, somehow it is from that pain that we derived the strength to handle the situation, to believe in faith rather than fate. There was a lot of change though in the attitude of everyone involved from the first episode. Mommy herself was more entusiastic to make sure that the visits to the doctor were on schedule. More than us, she beileved that she had to fine, for herself, for all of us.Mommy being mommy bounced out of it!!! To have been in a situation that most of us cannot even comprehend or begin to imagine, and to attempt and lead a normal life reprsents the stuff that my mommy is made of.
Mommy you truly are a STUD!!!!!
Just to make sure that this article does not end on a depressing note, let me add a few things:
I cleared my exams with a distinction, an exam which i had decided to skip midway, and Sis gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in march 2004. :)
A few add-ons:
By the year 2020, depression is projected to reach 2nd place of the ranking of DALYs calcuated for all ages, both sexes. Today, depression is already the 2nd cause of DALYs in the age category 15-44 years for both sexes combined, reports the official website of the WHO.
Blogger Rashmi Bansal's article on depression, speaks of how she came back out fighting of deression.
Depression as a disease is still at a pre nsacent stage when it comes to awareness, I feel. Reminds me of the movie 'My brother Nikhil', wherein the protogansit played by Sanjay Suri is victimsed and sent to a mental institution after he is diasgonised with AIDS. That was supposed to a a true story based in the realy 1980's. Yet today, there is so much awareness about AIDS (atleast in urban areas)...... A similar campaign needs to be driven for depression too wherin patients are advised to seek medical counsel once the symptoms are rightly identified.
When I tried to restrict my google search on bipolar disorder to ‘pages from India’, the number of the search results as well as the quality of the links was pathetic. Certainly more needs to be done in order to bring about awareness about the issue and more than that people need to be more open minded about the disease. Depression is not a character flaw or a sign of personal weakness. It’s a disease, meant to treated like any other.
Venue: New-Delhi
It was exam time for me and sis. Mummy was suffering from insomnia then. She was under treatment for it from a neurologist. But on one of the nights, she was hyperactive; refusing to sleep herself nor allowing anybody else to sleep. We knew something was wrong, But what it was, nobody had a clue!!! She was absolutely fine until a few days back. She was taken to a hospital the next day where the doctors diagonsied her with bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder by one of the definitions that i found on the net is 'a major affective disorder in which an individual alternates between states of deep depression and extreme elation.'
It was the first time that I had heard of the word depression then. Of course I was too young to understand the word depression then. Nor did I have access to internet then. What I did know was that the next morning, Mommy refused to recognise me nor my sis. I do not remember if I cried. I guess I was just too young to realise what was going on. I remember being told by my aunt, who had come from mumbai that if someone enquires about mom, Just tell them its High B.P.
Depression and a visit to a psychiatrist were absloute subjects of taboo. Something to be spoken in a hush-hush tone.
Anyways, It took close to 9 months before mom got any resemblance of her old self physically (she had lost a lot of wieght in this period) as well as pyschologically. There was a lot of resistance from mom herself on the compulsory visits to the psychiatrist.
Mom was to be under the constant supervision of a psychiatrist and pills for the rest of her life, It was clear to us.
By now, I had done a lot of my own research on the inernet and came across something, which still gives me goosebumps: 'Bipolar disorder is a lifelong medical condition that can be confusing and unpredictable.'
All was fine for the most of the next 8 years. Until......
Timeline: January 2004
Venue: Bangalore
It was exam time for me again, My 7th semester exams. (Sis was married and in US, she had flown in december 2003 for her delivery in march). Mommy was suffering from insomnia again. It was the first day of the exam and I saw mom in the kitchen at 5:30 AM. I knew, It was BACK!!!
This time, I cried. I used to cry like a baby, never in front of mum though. My exam schedules were streched over the next 15-17 days, perhaps the darkest days of my life. Sis was kept out of it as much as possible due to her pregnancy. It was left to me and dad to salvage the situation. Everyday though before leaving to the college, i had only one wish on my lips. I prayed to GOD that mum dies as soon as possible. TODAY, if possible, I used to wish. Why did you make her my mommy, why not somebody else, I used to ask GOD. I had to feed mommy, me and dad had to take her to the loo and I had to put her to sleep, before I would get to my studies. Thinking about it gives me jitters even now.
Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide, reports an article in the National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH).
I knew this was the state of mind of my mother. Looking back, somehow it is from that pain that we derived the strength to handle the situation, to believe in faith rather than fate. There was a lot of change though in the attitude of everyone involved from the first episode. Mommy herself was more entusiastic to make sure that the visits to the doctor were on schedule. More than us, she beileved that she had to fine, for herself, for all of us.Mommy being mommy bounced out of it!!! To have been in a situation that most of us cannot even comprehend or begin to imagine, and to attempt and lead a normal life reprsents the stuff that my mommy is made of.
Mommy you truly are a STUD!!!!!
Just to make sure that this article does not end on a depressing note, let me add a few things:
I cleared my exams with a distinction, an exam which i had decided to skip midway, and Sis gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in march 2004. :)
A few add-ons:
By the year 2020, depression is projected to reach 2nd place of the ranking of DALYs calcuated for all ages, both sexes. Today, depression is already the 2nd cause of DALYs in the age category 15-44 years for both sexes combined, reports the official website of the WHO.
Blogger Rashmi Bansal's article on depression, speaks of how she came back out fighting of deression.
Depression as a disease is still at a pre nsacent stage when it comes to awareness, I feel. Reminds me of the movie 'My brother Nikhil', wherein the protogansit played by Sanjay Suri is victimsed and sent to a mental institution after he is diasgonised with AIDS. That was supposed to a a true story based in the realy 1980's. Yet today, there is so much awareness about AIDS (atleast in urban areas)...... A similar campaign needs to be driven for depression too wherin patients are advised to seek medical counsel once the symptoms are rightly identified.
When I tried to restrict my google search on bipolar disorder to ‘pages from India’, the number of the search results as well as the quality of the links was pathetic. Certainly more needs to be done in order to bring about awareness about the issue and more than that people need to be more open minded about the disease. Depression is not a character flaw or a sign of personal weakness. It’s a disease, meant to treated like any other.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Aamir Khan -The Rising...
May 1st. That’s when the supreme court will hear the proceedings of the Narmada valley controversy. Here, I think like the Delhi students, Aamir khan has played a stellar role in bringing the issue to attention of the national media... (Unintentionally perhaps, even he wouldn’t have thought of the implications of his visit to Jantar Mantar to visit Medha Patkar when she was on a hunger strike).
Aamir's stand was simple, He was not a member of the NBA (Narmada Bachao Andolan), nor did he claim that he was speaking for them. In fact he even confessed to the media that he did not have the bandwidth to understand about the dam or about the intricacies involved in raising its height.
The only question that he ever asked was ' Now that the height of the dam is about to be raised, what will happen to the lakhs of people who will be displaced because of this?'.
A very uncomfortable question for the politicians to answer I suppose, who decided that vandalizing theatres showing his latest movie Rang de basanti and burning his effigies is a easier way out and politicized the issue.
I say, what was wrong with the question that Aamir asked.
For one, Aamir is a refreshing change from other film stars who take part in processions that are arranged by the political parties………. correction, who are paraded by the political parties during election rallies. Does it then come as a surprise that none of the political parties supported his stance?
Aamir does not belong to any political party, perhaps he will not enter politics even if he wanted to, like most of us. I mean none of the political parties have an ideology in the first place to begin with. Get the kursi is the only ideology they seem to live by. They will go from flip to flop to flip on any issue based on their convenience. That is the reason why perhaps most of the youth tend to stay away from politics.
And I think that's where Aamir has had a kick start. Being a prominent member in the society and by giving voice to a just cause, He has done his bit. Over to the Supreme Court now.
And here is the status of what actually happens on the ground in the name of rehabilitation.... Outlook reports: http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20060501&fname=Narmada+%28F%29&sid=1
Aamir's stand was simple, He was not a member of the NBA (Narmada Bachao Andolan), nor did he claim that he was speaking for them. In fact he even confessed to the media that he did not have the bandwidth to understand about the dam or about the intricacies involved in raising its height.
The only question that he ever asked was ' Now that the height of the dam is about to be raised, what will happen to the lakhs of people who will be displaced because of this?'.
A very uncomfortable question for the politicians to answer I suppose, who decided that vandalizing theatres showing his latest movie Rang de basanti and burning his effigies is a easier way out and politicized the issue.
I say, what was wrong with the question that Aamir asked.
For one, Aamir is a refreshing change from other film stars who take part in processions that are arranged by the political parties………. correction, who are paraded by the political parties during election rallies. Does it then come as a surprise that none of the political parties supported his stance?
Aamir does not belong to any political party, perhaps he will not enter politics even if he wanted to, like most of us. I mean none of the political parties have an ideology in the first place to begin with. Get the kursi is the only ideology they seem to live by. They will go from flip to flop to flip on any issue based on their convenience. That is the reason why perhaps most of the youth tend to stay away from politics.
And I think that's where Aamir has had a kick start. Being a prominent member in the society and by giving voice to a just cause, He has done his bit. Over to the Supreme Court now.
And here is the status of what actually happens on the ground in the name of rehabilitation.... Outlook reports: http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20060501&fname=Narmada+%28F%29&sid=1
Dilli Chalo....
Medical students from the top institutes of Delhi including the AIIMS took out a rally protesting against the new reservation policy initiated by the HRD minister and have set off a spark among youth elsewhere too. To see young boys and girls come out, speak and express themselves was indeed gladdening. The overall message given was 'We are not going to take this lying down.’
And they are getting support from all over the country. Last heard, medical students from Bangalore, Kolkota and Amritsar have joined the fray. When the Mandal commision had announced the reservation policy under the VP Singh government in 1990, it was the image of the Delhi university student Rajeev Gowswami immolating himself which became a metaphor of anti-reservation protests in India.
Did make me wonder though as to why the youth of this generation (including me) were so thanda..... Of course this issue was being widely debated in various forums on the internet and television chat shows, But as they say, Beheron ko sunane ke liye dhamake ki zaroorat hai..... These students went ahead, took to the streets, shouted slogan against the HRD minister Arjun Singh and the lathi charge that the Delhi police carried out to drive them away only made sure that this was reported prime time in the news channels and as headlines in the newspapers and got the attention of the entire nation.
All this negative publicity forced the HRD minister to grant an audience to the protesting students and it has now been decided that the issue will be up and open for discussion after the assembly polls are over in the 5 states on may 12th.
I think it's now that the government is seriously reconsidering its opinions on actually implementing the policy. Come May 12th and we all will come to know what happens next.
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